Tag Archives: hilarity

Dive Bar Memories: why I’ll miss The Canterbury when it closes

Canterbury Pirate

DRINK MORE! YARRRR

There have been rumors for a while, but last month, the Capitol Hill Seattle Blog posted that The Canterbury would be closing at the end of the year for SURE. *sob*

After living for over 10 years in a horrifyingly depressing apartment just south of Everett (where my car got stolen not once, but twice), my roommate and I made a pact to save money and get ourselves the hell out of the ‘burbs and back into the city. Because OHMYGOD THE CITY. We lucked out and found a cheap’ish apartment on 19th & Roy, which just happened to be the perfect stumbling distance from The Canterbury on 15th.

It didn’t take long before The Canterbury was my home as much as my apartment was.  Sticky, dark, and (loosely) Medieval-themed with mismatched chairs and tables, it was the perfect place to drink yourself silly, soak up the booze with a greasy cheeseburger and a giant plate of fries—and then start all over again. For the five years that I lived in that apartment, it was where I planted myself at least 2-3 times a week. Continue reading

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How to Sing Karaoke, Sober

Not an actual representation of me on stage, but I am most definitely drunk in this photo.

Okay, that title is a bit misleading. Because it sounds like this entry will be a primer on how-to do something, and it’s something I’m not even sure I can do. But, seeing how it’s the eve of the big Three Imaginary Girls 10th Anniversary Rockstar Karaoke New Wave Bash, I felt like I had to write something about how my massive stage fright might hamper my desire to get up there and belt out a few tunes.

See, I suffer from this thing called “being old.” And yes, I know I’m not that old. And yet, for some reason, the combination of three things has a tendency to make me very, very, very ill: standing for extended periods of time + being out late + booze. Basically, if I’m out at a show, drinking even the littlest bit of alcohol is like injecting poison straight into my veins.

Even like 1 glass of cider can make me feel like I’m going to hurl all night—waking me up about every 30 minutes to stumble into the bathroom, praying I can eject whatever is making me feel HORRRIBLE as quickly as possible.

After asking my doctor 100x why this is, she said, definitively, and for the 100th time, “You’re just getting old, my dear.” Auuugh. Really? I mean, I realize I probably ruined my bladder with all that Bacardi and Jose Cuervo in the 80s (and 90s … and 2000s) but COME ON (wo)MAN. Continue reading


Times when songs have been used to describe me

Look! It’s me! And I am totally NOT avoiding this party, motherf**ker!

I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering if what I write on here is going to offend someone, or how it will make them think of me, or how it will affect someone else—and all of these things end up making me drag my damn feet and are totally useless.

And I often do the same thing with the things I say out loud. Unfortunately, it’s usually WAY after I’ve said them that I realize they may have been misinterpreted, or taken in a way I don’t mean them. Because we all remember times when things have been said to us, and for whatever reason, those phrases STICK.

Even if we know they’re not true (then or now), or we’re puzzled over why they were said, or they hurt us deeply, or made us feel awesome. And thus, the first installment of “Times when songs have been used to describe me” – aka: “Things that have been said to me that I will likely never forget.”

1. One time at in like, 1992, shortly after U2’s ZOO TV tour (I remember this because I was wearing a gold glitter U2 t-shirt that was about 3 sizes too big for me), a bunch of friends were having a BBQ and dancing to “classic” – read: pre-1990 – U2 songs. When “With of Without You” came on, this guy that I vaguely remember said, very loudly, right after the “…and you give yourself away” lyric:

 “You do, you know. You give yourself away.”

I didn’t really know how to respond to that, or what he meant by it. And I didn’t want clarification, so instead I called him a “fucker,” hurled my beer bottle at him, and stomped out in a rage. Continue reading


Why Draw Something is the best thing ever

I screwed up the quote, but it still counts, yeah?

I totally didn’t believe the hype about Draw Something when I first heard it. I mean, isn’t it just Pictionary for your phone? How could that be fun? And then I downloaded it. And it’s been a non-stop Draw Something party ever since.

Here’s what I love about it: you don’t have to be the world’s greatest artist to have fun while playing. IN fact, sometimes the most awesome drawings are the simplest ones. It’s really all about creativity, and how well you sync with people, and oh man. It’s WAY better than just Pictionary for your phone. And figuring out how to relate a word to some insane pop culture reference—not to mention figuring out how to draw an actual reference, like from The Hunger Games or The Avengers—it’s so damn addicting.

I also appreciate that I can either choose to do a super-fast drawing and fire it off, or really get into it and take my time with a drawing. And I have seen so many drawings that have made me LAUGH my ass off—like the time my friend Carl drew a scene from Cursed so I’d know to spell out “werewolf”, or the insane sexually-charged stick figures my friend Nat constructs, or how I knew “Madonna” based on Carrie’s rendering of a pop singer in front of a fiery cross. Or how my boyfriend and I will sit right next to each and try to shield our iPads from one another while we draw out puzzles for the other one to solve. (NERDS)

I’ve inserted a few pictures of ones I’m particularly proud of. Because even if they don’t make you laugh, they make ME laugh. And that’s all that’s really important.

{You can hit me up for some Draw Something fun under the username posiegirl} 

I couldn't decide between Freddy or Jason - but ultimately, Voorhees won out.


ON feeling cool, aka: Why I hated school, always

So The Guild posted a hilarious video this week, “I’m the One Who’s Cool” and a million nerdy voices cried out “OMG YES” in unison. And I was one of them. The great thing about the song and video is that it can be applied to almost any bullying situation, because it truly captures the horror of being a teenage outcast.

It’s always funny to me when people refer to High School as “the best time of their lives”, because I so don’t feel that way. Actually, since I was tormented for pretty much my entire school career, I kinda hate all of it: grade school, junior high (THE WORST), and high school.

It all started in Kindergarten, when the other “Aimee” insisted that she was superior to me because her name was spelled better. Also, she had her grandmother craft the most amazing Wonder Woman costume for Halloween EVER because she knew it was my favorite show, and she told me straight up that I could never be a good WW because I had stupid blonde hair and she had the perfect length of shiny black hair. Even when I won the part of Juliet in our class play over her (I went to an “alternative” KG, which would take an entre other blog post to explain), she said that plays were stupid and she didn’t want to be in it anyway. Then she threw her Kool-Aid in my face.

I moved around to a few different primary schools, and at the first one I was involved in an advanced reading class, which I LOVED, and which the other kids so did not. Branded a “stupid brain” for actually wanting to go and read stuff, my books were frequently knocked off my desk, I received notes calling me all kinds of names, and during one specific incident wherein I raised my hand to remind the teacher that it was time for the advanced reading group to leave, I got pushed in the hallway and bombarded by spit balls at lunch. Continue reading


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