Monthly Archives: April 2012

Stumbling onto past ghosts

I look stoned here, but I assure you it was just the 90s.

Oh man. I came across some tucked away my wedding photos the other day and I all I could think of was how IMPOSSIBLY young I look. How fucking naïve my face is, and how miserable I know I was that day. And then, immediately following that, how I wish I could go back and tell that Amie not to do it. To skip out before we went through with it. To leave when my mom asked me if I wanted to back out.

Anything. Everything. To stop me from taking that leap. But, I did it. I went through with the traditional vows and had my first dance and watched all my friends and family be merry and get drunk and congratulate us.

Your past is part of makes you who you are. But I think it’s REALLY important to recognize that it doesn’t need to define you for the rest of your life.

Did I make a mistake marrying that guy? Probably. Did I know it at the time? I think I recognized on the honeymoon that it probably wasn’t the brightest idea I had, and I know for sure I stayed with him wayyyy longer than I should have because I didn’t want to branded a “failure”, but honestly, on that day? I convinced myself that I thought I was doing the right thing. Continue reading


Why Draw Something is the best thing ever

I screwed up the quote, but it still counts, yeah?

I totally didn’t believe the hype about Draw Something when I first heard it. I mean, isn’t it just Pictionary for your phone? How could that be fun? And then I downloaded it. And it’s been a non-stop Draw Something party ever since.

Here’s what I love about it: you don’t have to be the world’s greatest artist to have fun while playing. IN fact, sometimes the most awesome drawings are the simplest ones. It’s really all about creativity, and how well you sync with people, and oh man. It’s WAY better than just Pictionary for your phone. And figuring out how to relate a word to some insane pop culture reference—not to mention figuring out how to draw an actual reference, like from The Hunger Games or The Avengers—it’s so damn addicting.

I also appreciate that I can either choose to do a super-fast drawing and fire it off, or really get into it and take my time with a drawing. And I have seen so many drawings that have made me LAUGH my ass off—like the time my friend Carl drew a scene from Cursed so I’d know to spell out “werewolf”, or the insane sexually-charged stick figures my friend Nat constructs, or how I knew “Madonna” based on Carrie’s rendering of a pop singer in front of a fiery cross. Or how my boyfriend and I will sit right next to each and try to shield our iPads from one another while we draw out puzzles for the other one to solve. (NERDS)

I’ve inserted a few pictures of ones I’m particularly proud of. Because even if they don’t make you laugh, they make ME laugh. And that’s all that’s really important.

{You can hit me up for some Draw Something fun under the username posiegirl} 

I couldn't decide between Freddy or Jason - but ultimately, Voorhees won out.

The worst pick-up lines I’ve ever heard.

This is why I used to give guys a fake name when I was a bar-hopping single girl.

To me, personally, I mean.

1. “You look just like my ex-girlfriend!”
See also: “You look just like my ex-wife!”

I have actually heard the above multiple times, from many different guys. How are these going to endear me to you?  You’re hitting on me because I’m the spitting image of your EX. Your. Ex. That says to me that you’re looking for a clone, not a new person to be in a relationship with.

2. “You look pretty good for thirty.”

Okay. Wait. HOW is this a compliment? How about just, “You are beautiful.” or “You look really amazing.” Why mention my age, at all. And it’s the “pretty good” part that makes me go ewww. See also: “That outfit really flatters your size.” and “WHOA. You are OLD, but at least you look young!” 

3. “Since your friend turned me down, can I get your number instead?”

No. Just no. I don’t need to explain why this isn’t okay, do I?

4. “I’m married, but you’re too cute to pass up. Can I call you?” 
This, or some version thereof, has also happened multiple times. Yuck.

And my personal favorite:
5. “You look lonely. Want to come home with me and hook up?” 

Again. I…what? Do these ever work for anybody?

ON feeling cool, aka: Why I hated school, always

So The Guild posted a hilarious video this week, “I’m the One Who’s Cool” and a million nerdy voices cried out “OMG YES” in unison. And I was one of them. The great thing about the song and video is that it can be applied to almost any bullying situation, because it truly captures the horror of being a teenage outcast.

It’s always funny to me when people refer to High School as “the best time of their lives”, because I so don’t feel that way. Actually, since I was tormented for pretty much my entire school career, I kinda hate all of it: grade school, junior high (THE WORST), and high school.

It all started in Kindergarten, when the other “Aimee” insisted that she was superior to me because her name was spelled better. Also, she had her grandmother craft the most amazing Wonder Woman costume for Halloween EVER because she knew it was my favorite show, and she told me straight up that I could never be a good WW because I had stupid blonde hair and she had the perfect length of shiny black hair. Even when I won the part of Juliet in our class play over her (I went to an “alternative” KG, which would take an entre other blog post to explain), she said that plays were stupid and she didn’t want to be in it anyway. Then she threw her Kool-Aid in my face.

I moved around to a few different primary schools, and at the first one I was involved in an advanced reading class, which I LOVED, and which the other kids so did not. Branded a “stupid brain” for actually wanting to go and read stuff, my books were frequently knocked off my desk, I received notes calling me all kinds of names, and during one specific incident wherein I raised my hand to remind the teacher that it was time for the advanced reading group to leave, I got pushed in the hallway and bombarded by spit balls at lunch. Continue reading

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