Doubt and Stress don’t make for Productivity

Let's all make the Kermit face at doubt.

Oh look! It’s time for one of those posts where I explain that I know I have a personal blog that I said I was going to update frequently, but haven’t for over two weeks. And uh, well. I could make a ton of excuses, but the biggest one is that I’ve been doubting myself lately. Doubting my ability to write something good, doubting my ability to do what I know I can do, and do it well, and doubting the fact that I’m good enough in pretty much all areas of my life right now.

Basically, I’ll sit down to start writing about something, and then I’ll get about 2 paragraphs in, think it sucks, and shelf it. This has probably happened about 20 times in the last few weeks, which means I have 20 unfinished pieces of writing sitting on my desktop, waiting for the inspiration to finish them.

I know a lot of that is stress: wondering if I can somehow magically stretch the money I’m making to cover all bills, freaking out about not saying the right thing in cover letters, worrying that it might take a long time to find a FT job, getting frustrated about the fact that I don’t feel 100% better, and some days the uncomfortable-ness and twinges from surgery drive me ABSOLUTELY crazy.

And honestly, although I love my city, Seattle’s weather isn’t exactly helping right now.

But! I am starting to feel the twinges of that inspiration again — and slowly starting to believe in myself. You know how it is, sometimes, you just need a little nudge. In the meantime, I wanted to give all y’all who have been reading and commenting a heads up so you know I don’t intend to leave this blog just sitting here, vacant, after a pretty aggressive start.

Thank you for reading and commenting. And thank you for the sweet notes of encouragement I’ve received. It’s really awesome, you guys, and I promise (again) not to quit.

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4 responses to “Doubt and Stress don’t make for Productivity

  • abbytron

    Haha, I have the same problem with my personal blog. Started really strong, but now hardly post in it at all because I have a lot of things to say, but don’t have the energy to figure out how to say them. Actually all of my writing outlets are suffering right now, because I find that I’m more often in that “doubting myself about everything” place than my “inspired and capable” place. Unfortunately, when you’re a writer-type person like we are, you can never completely abandon it, even when you really want to. It’s my lifelong burden!

    • Amie

      Preach it, girl! 🙂

      But yes, I have been saying to myself, “Hey! When is Abby going to update her blog?” while at the same time saying, “Oh…I kind of owe her some stuff for hearingade. haha. OOPS!”

  • Shrie Bradford Spangler

    UGH. I haven’t updated my blog in forever either. We both suck. Blah blah blah. Expectations. Limitations. Self-imposed stress. I’m throwing out the lot of it!

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