Tantrum-throwing 30-somethings = not cute

Even my drink is frowning at "that guy."

So here’s how I found myself at a bar with a full-grown man stomping up and down like a child, while screaming that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.

It was a week night, and one in which I was engaged in a traveling happy hour—as in, a few friends and I started at one bar and drank our way through a few before ending up at 611.

Anyway, whilst at the second bar, we ran into a few other traveling happy hourers, a couple of perfectly nice and normal ladies with a guy who also seemed just fine. Two drinks in he starts chatting me up…and at first, it’s just your usual bar chatter. “Where you from? What do you like to do?” etc. Then he asks if I want to step outside for a cigarette. I politely decline, and the crazy starts in.

 “Why? What’s wrong with you?”

“Uh. I don’t smoke. I’m actually allergic to smoke, so I prefer to stay as far away from it as possible.”

“I don’t really believe that. No one’s allergic to smoke! Why don’t you want to go with me? Don’t you know we’re meant to be together?”

“….that’s…funny? Wait, what?”

So then the guy persists on continuing the whole “soulmates” pickup routine. Which I can’t stop laughing at, because, HONESTLY. We have absolutely nothing in common. At some point, our bartender friend tries to rescue me by suggesting he give me a ride home, but of course he asked the other ladies first if they wanted to make one more stop for drinks—and so, the guy was going with us too.

And so the pattern goes on. I refuse his drinks and his attention. He keeps buying them for me and trying to convince me we’re meant to be together. His female companions keep apologizing for him, and eventually, I prepare to leave, but first I have to stop at the bathroom.

At 611, the bathroom is through the restaurant, which at the time was all closed up and dark. Thus, I emerged from the ladies’ loo to find this dude standing there, right outside the door, waiting for me.

It’s important to mention at this point that I wasn’t panicking, thinking he was going to harm me in any way, because even though I was getting a “creep” vibe, I wasn’t getting a dangerous one.

 “So…what are you doing?” I asked.

“Waiting for you to kiss me.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Come on, you know you want to!”

“No. No, I don’t. In fact, I’m going to leave now.”

“Oh come on. COME ON! COME ON!”

And this is the point where he starts to lose it a little. He’s jumping up and down, pleading with me to kiss him.

“Dude. NO. THANK. YOU.” And…I pushed my way past him back into the bar to get my stuff and alert my friends that I’m ready to go.

So naturally he moves over to the door, cracks it open as if he’s leaving, and says, “YOU ARE MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WON’T EVEN KISS ME! I AM LEAVING NOW!”

Thank god, I thought. Except, he just stood there. Staring at me. Waiting, I guess, for me to change my mind and rush over to him at the door. After an awkward 5 minutes of everyone staring at him, he finally left.

But of course, that is not the end of the story. Sometime during the evening, I had exchanged numbers with one of this guy’s female friends. And so a few days later, when she called, I picked up the phone with a smile only to discover that it was the guy, calling me to ask if I’d changed my mind. I promptly hung up and changed her name in my phone to “that guy” so I’d be forewarned from now on.

Ugh. That guy.

A few questions popped up while I was reliving this event:

  1. Does tantrum throwing ever work for anybody, ever? I’m genuinely curious.
  2. This has actually happened to me a few times, and it can’t just be me, right? What other ladies have experienced this madness? I want to know. How many of you have met “that guy” ?
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8 responses to “Tantrum-throwing 30-somethings = not cute

  • abbytron

    Wow, this reminds me of a guy I met at a bar in November that basically made me never want to go to bars again. He didn’t exactly throw a tantrum, but he was just as persistent. Asking me over and over again if he could kiss me. Every time I went somewhere else in the room to be with other, non-creepy people, he would follow me. I decided later to go home but he stopped me outside of the bar, where there were a bunch of people standing around smoking, and he was like “Why won’t you kiss me? Do you hate me? Are you mad at me?” I’m thinking, I don’t even know this guy! I said “Actually, you’re really annoying.” And then he looked at me with this stupid sad face for a really long time as I walked to my car and everyone was looking at us and it was so embarrassing and awkward. Clearly he was very drunk, and I’m going to assume he’s not like that when not drunk, but still. I mean, I’m sorry, if you can’t control yourself when you’ve been drinking, then you have problems.

    • Amie

      augh. Sorry, Abby!

      And yeah, that’s what made the follow-up phone call even worse, because I was willing to accept that maybe he was just totally bombed when he was with me and thus out of control, but to then call me a few days later and insist we were still meant to be upped the creep factor by 100.

  • Michelle Auer (@dreamingviola)

    I’ve had to deal with versions of this guy, but never quite like this. I usually just end up with the crying in public guys, which skeeves me out beyond belief. I saw an episode of 30 rock over the weekend with Matt Damon as a pilot that Liz L is dating. He bursts into tears and she awkwardly looks at him saying, “Crying, stop, now, no…” I started laughing so hard, because that, right there, sums up my awkward dating life. It always ends in tears.

    • Amie

      I’m pretty sure I remember some of those stories, Michelle. 🙂

      When I was single, I felt like I always attracted two extremes: guys that threw tantrums/tried to talk me into kissing them (or sleeping with them), or guys who branded me as a total bitch when I declined their offers. Good times.

      • abbytron

        It’s always seemed commonly “understood” that women are more emotional than men. But in all of my life experience, men are SO MUCH MORE emotional in general. The tiniest things set them off and it’s ridiculous. Someone’s not interested in you? Move on and leave the girl alone. Don’t get all sad and/or angry about it.

  • Karen

    Apparently you have to have my kind of “don’t even bother to try and talk to me” face on to get skeezy guys to leave you alone.

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