So here’s how I found myself at a bar with a full-grown man stomping up and down like a child, while screaming that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
It was a week night, and one in which I was engaged in a traveling happy hour—as in, a few friends and I started at one bar and drank our way through a few before ending up at 611.
Anyway, whilst at the second bar, we ran into a few other traveling happy hourers, a couple of perfectly nice and normal ladies with a guy who also seemed just fine. Two drinks in he starts chatting me up…and at first, it’s just your usual bar chatter. “Where you from? What do you like to do?” etc. Then he asks if I want to step outside for a cigarette. I politely decline, and the crazy starts in.
“Why? What’s wrong with you?”
“Uh. I don’t smoke. I’m actually allergic to smoke, so I prefer to stay as far away from it as possible.”
“I don’t really believe that. No one’s allergic to smoke! Why don’t you want to go with me? Don’t you know we’re meant to be together?”
“….that’s…funny? Wait, what?”
So then the guy persists on continuing the whole “soulmates” pickup routine. Which I can’t stop laughing at, because, HONESTLY. We have absolutely nothing in common. At some point, our bartender friend tries to rescue me by suggesting he give me a ride home, but of course he asked the other ladies first if they wanted to make one more stop for drinks—and so, the guy was going with us too.
And so the pattern goes on. I refuse his drinks and his attention. He keeps buying them for me and trying to convince me we’re meant to be together. His female companions keep apologizing for him, and eventually, I prepare to leave, but first I have to stop at the bathroom.
At 611, the bathroom is through the restaurant, which at the time was all closed up and dark. Thus, I emerged from the ladies’ loo to find this dude standing there, right outside the door, waiting for me.
It’s important to mention at this point that I wasn’t panicking, thinking he was going to harm me in any way, because even though I was getting a “creep” vibe, I wasn’t getting a dangerous one.
“So…what are you doing?” I asked.
“Waiting for you to kiss me.”
“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.”
“Come on, you know you want to!”
“No. No, I don’t. In fact, I’m going to leave now.”
“Oh come on. COME ON! COME ON!”
And this is the point where he starts to lose it a little. He’s jumping up and down, pleading with me to kiss him.
“Dude. NO. THANK. YOU.” And…I pushed my way past him back into the bar to get my stuff and alert my friends that I’m ready to go.
So naturally he moves over to the door, cracks it open as if he’s leaving, and says, “YOU ARE MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WON’T EVEN KISS ME! I AM LEAVING NOW!”
Thank god, I thought. Except, he just stood there. Staring at me. Waiting, I guess, for me to change my mind and rush over to him at the door. After an awkward 5 minutes of everyone staring at him, he finally left.
But of course, that is not the end of the story. Sometime during the evening, I had exchanged numbers with one of this guy’s female friends. And so a few days later, when she called, I picked up the phone with a smile only to discover that it was the guy, calling me to ask if I’d changed my mind. I promptly hung up and changed her name in my phone to “that guy” so I’d be forewarned from now on.
Ugh. That guy.
A few questions popped up while I was reliving this event:
- Does tantrum throwing ever work for anybody, ever? I’m genuinely curious.
- This has actually happened to me a few times, and it can’t just be me, right? What other ladies have experienced this madness? I want to know. How many of you have met “that guy” ?